Donkey Ball

Every time I think I have the world pegged, I fall two steps backwards. DonkeyBall! (click on that to see the NY Times article). People riding donkeys in gyms to play basketball. I think the best part of the article is that the oldest organization is from Ohio and called the "Buckeye Donkey Ball". Go figure!



Giddy Up - DB

Life After the Oval Office

Enough Said

I Sh*&%^t My Pants Last Night

Hall of famer...Pine tar...Who is this man?? George Brett. Talks honestly about his bowel issues.



Wow - DB

Flexing the Golden Pipes

Take these broken wings...

Chad Vader Season 2 in Full Force

Chad is back and badder than ever....
Just a quick posting. Working on something big. (for awhile). Creating new and unique content is hard!



Hope all is well - DB

This Recessions Good For Something...

I was thinking the other day about our latte free depression or the risk free economy that we have created. I've notice trash piling up at fast food restaurants because of less employees, longer lines most everywhere, longer waits on phone queues and a lot fewer smiles. I've seen a lot of these depressing commercials about losing everything that I own and having some butthead help me out.

But the one thing that I haven't frankly seen is less shark attacks. Have you?!?! Apparently, someone took the time to make this correlation:

ECONOMIC RECESSION MEANS FEWER SHARK ATTACKS


Favorite quote is this from an ICHTHYOLOGIST: In 2008, attacks worldwide dipped to their lowest level in five years, a sign that Americans may be forgoing vacation trips to the beach, said ichthyologist George Burgess of the University of Florida.

Shouldn't George Burgess be worried about his job!?!?!? ICHTHYOLOGISTS are in high demand these days....

DB

Flying with the DoughBoy

Many of you want to know how the DB has earned platinum on the airlines he travels frequently. There's a secret. It's a long trade secret that I am now fully prepared to share with you. You have to brace yourself because it's what I refer to as the "Godzilla of Travelers". This technique will be shared with you here first. I won't charge you $19.95 to get the book to learn how. Just watch this video and take very careful notes.



DB

Great Sports Towns

DB apologizes for a bit of blogging sabbatical. What's up with that DB? Stuck in reviewing the stimulus bills I'd imagine....

A recent article in Forbes came out ranking the top college sports town and there it was DB's alum city - Ann Arbor. Mikey Hart stills sings the praises.. (I know have to reach back two years to find a winning smile on the football sidelines - but how can you resist!). Ann Arbor! Blimpy's, Cottage Inn Pizza, the Brown Jug, Backroom Pizza and the Diag along with over a hundred years of winning tradition in all of our sports. Many of the DB fans are puking all over their keyboards reading this. So, if you'd like to see for yourself you doubting Thomases - here's the link:

Ann Arbor Rocks College Sports Towns

But the other question remains - what would the top five professional sports towns be? DB took his stab at ranking them:

5. Los Angeles - two MLB teams, two hockey teams (one named the Mighty Ducks - major point deduction), two NBA teams. Lose major points for a really crappy and fair weather fan base and NO NFL team. Still don't understand that in the cradle of capitalism - no NFL team.

4. New York - avid fan base. For some teams. Yankees! And that's about it. Mets are loved when they show up to play. The Knicks are a joke. The two hockey teams haven't amounted to much in years and one of them is on the Long island. Football teams spread apart and the Jets fans love to have something to complain about and the Giants fans are content for now. Great sports town - just loses points for all the whining.

3. Detroit - no biased here. One of the most loyal, proud and avid fan bases in America. Usually one of the teams is winning and can count on the Lions to be losers (but still pack 65,000 in Ford Field every weekend). Red Wings and Tigers have such amazing history and the Pistons have rocked the 90-s and naughts.

2. Boston - no not my new favorite teams as I've been accused of selling out in the move east. Fan base is amazing. Rabid. Loyal. Mean. Argumentative. When you can understand them. Celtics and Red Sox are the storied franchise. The Patriots have been invincible and the Bruins are hot again.

1. Chicago - bar none. None come close to this sports town. Fans love sports. Periods. South siders love their Sox. Gay Chicagoans love their Cubs. Da Bears pack it in. The Bulls have fallen on not so good times post Jordan and the Black Hawks lost a bit of luster. But it's the passion that separates this town from the rest!

DB welcomes your feedback!

The Occassional Cuddle Battle with the Bad Girl

This is priceless..

Meet Chad Vader...

There is excitement and a certain buzz in the DB household as Season 2 nears for Chad Vader. February 1st is the premiere of one of the greatest grassroots series on the Internet - Chad Vader.

You're probably asking yourself - who is Chad Vader?!?! Well when I started to explain the concept of Chad Vader to one of my friends recently, I swore he was going to pee his pants right in the backseat of my truck. Swear.

Let's take a minute to get introduced to Chad Vader. He's the creation of Blame Society Productions and is the long lost brother of the more famous Vader - Darth. Chad's job on earth is that of a day shift manager at the local grocery store - Empire Market. He is on a mission to take over the grocery store and let's just say his plan is not so perfect. He is in the same outfit and predicament as his more famous brother because he rode his bike into a volcano. His right hand man, Commander Wickstrom leads to many follies.

I've copied a video below for you to become a fan. Like the DB, you might occasionally get some laughs or yucks, or you might like my friend nearly pee his pants!




May the force be with you, always - DB

She's Selling Her Hoo Hoo and Her What What?

God bless America! And god bless the Internet even more! I know I'm not as timely as I should be with this post, but I've been giving this a lot of thought over the past few days. On the DailyBeast the other day, this woman decided that she was going to announce to the world that SHE IS SELLING HER VIRGINITY! Not just selling it like some crack ho, but for $3.8 million!!! Amazing. More amazingly is that someone will actually pay it.

Then I got to thinking - there could be an entire business model out there (probably is and I just am too naive to believe it) - an eBay of virginity. So, let's see how this spectrum would work.


$3.8 million - let's put Natalie on top (not like that, perverts). Let's rephrase. Let's assume that she would be the top shelf of virgin sellers.




$2.0 million - let's give this girl credit for being very cute. So according to Natalie's pricing model, this sounds about right.



$750k - Okay, it's Miss America. I know she should probably charge more, but the mere fact of having to endure a talent contest before, or watch her change through all the wardrobe would be enough to discount the pricing..



$100 - Someone needs to love poor Dennis and I am sure that for this price someone out there would!






FREE - You'd have to be passed out and drunk. Well not even that. This doesn't even fit the kegger test. Let's assume this is a woman and let's also assume that for fun, we throw her in as a BOGO with Dennis to make that threesome all the worth it.

Take your pick. Weigh in with your comments!!!

DB

Things We Won't Miss About the Police Statehood of George W

DB doesn't need to say much about this article linked below. Her behavior was completely unacceptable, but to lose her children over it? Then to take them off the mainland and refuse to let her fly to custody hearings? Is this really the America we want to live in? Another reason to love Canadiennes!

Bad Behavior Causes Loss of Children

Obama and His Blackberry

Isn't it great to know that our President also has a crackberry addiction. If you haven't been following click on the below link to see that he will make history and be the first President that gets to keep his personal cell phone or Blackberry.


New York Time's Obama Blackberry article



What I find amazing is the bureaucracy that he had to go through to keep his Blackberry and then the rules that the placed on him. And he had to "compromise". Don't you just love it? Let's thank god he didn't try to keep an iPhone. Check some of the restrictions out:

• Only a select group of people can contact him or he can contact - a "hierarchy"
• Anyone selected must go through briefings from White House counsel
• Messages are designed not to be forwarded

As I thought about these rules and dilemmas that President Obama is faced, I seriously think that White House counsel missed some. Let's add a few to the list:

• President Obama can not ass dial anyone. For those that are BlackBerry illiterate - ass dialing is the wonderful act of accidentally dialing someone when the device is in your back pocket. I've had friends ass dial me (so they say) at 2am. Sometimes you can catch part of the conversation - clearly not what we want Obama to be doing.
• He must in no way shape of form wear the BlackBerry on his belt. Not only a major fashion faux pas, but just not hip. He's the king of capitalism. Not hip to be square. Seeing from the picture on the right - he's a pocket person! Good man.
  
• No BlackBerry at the dinner table. Even my kids have laid down this rule with me. Can't believe White House counsel would overlook this
• No using the BlackBerry at the urinal or on the toilet. Completely unacceptable.

Let's also consider some other logistics that White House counsel failed to observe and enact:

• What is his voice mail message. I think it should be scripted something like this: "You've reached Obama. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now. I'm busy leading the free world and fighting government bureaucracy. I'm trying to jump start the economy and enact world peace. If you really need f$(!@ something, please leave me a message and I'll make sure that in my spare time I'll get back to you!"
• Also, what does he set his out of office message for. Maybe something like this. "I will be out of the office from January 20, 2009 through January 19, 2013 unless I keep my 68% approval rating up and get re-elected. In that case, I will be out of the office through January 19, 2017. If your matter is urgent or requires personal attention, please contact my administrative assistant, Hillary Clinton at 55G-OT-HOSED or hclinton@sourgrapes.com"

Last do you think President Obama's cool enough to send some nifty text messages. Maybe some of these:

• I C LND, I C FRNCE, I C DCK CHNY'S UNDPNTS
• GWB - BFF?
• HRC I WANT U 2 KNOW THAT OUR FRIENSHIP MEANS A LOT 2 ME
• THIS BUD IS 4 U

Needless to say there are more that former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick could teach him. Wait do you think that Kwame is one of the select few in the hiearchy?!?! GOOD 2 B HIM!

DB

If I Could Only be Canadien (or is it Canadian?)

My recent travels through the great north country of Canada made me long to be a Canadien or Canadian or Canadienne. Not really sure. Upon entering the province of Ontario you feel like you've entered a big vast land of granola crunchers that dwarfs the state it models itself after - Vermont. If you enter in Quebec you're due for another cultural shock - French speaking Canadiennes that speak well I think French, but it sounds different. But, I digress. What are the things that really draw me to the great state of Vermont, I mean Canada....

• All of the brands that we know are adorned with that awesome maple leaf.
• Chicken nuggets, pepperoni and other meat tastes different. How can that honestly be? Is it made different there?
• What is canadian bacon?
• The province of Alberta is completely rat free
• The signs on the QEW and freeways - remind you of things like "Fatigue Kills", "Tailgating Kills". They're really concerned about your well being
• eh...How can you not like a country that ends every sentence with eh.
• Strange Brew
• Nationalized health care
• Niagara Falls
• The metric system - it's like the Dewey Decimal system I'm glad someone uses it so that we didn't learn for naught in school, eh
• The Mounties - we'd feel much safer if the pseudo military that protects us dresses in red
  
• Famous Candiens such as: Pamela Anderson, Nelly Furtardo, Keanu Reeves

Obviously I can go on forever and rave about how great Canada is, eh. But, you just need to experience it for yourself. When you have that thrill of taking a shiny Looney out of your pocket and buying strange tasting chicken nuggets and being called a hoser worrying about driving with fatigue...Only a true Candianne can truly appreciate it..

DB

Hottest Cartoon Characters

Everyone has their top 5 list of celebrities that if they came knocking they would be allowed to have an exemption from their spouse, girlfriend, whatever to have one night. So...I got to thinking. What if cartoon characters came to life. What would my top 5 cartoon character listing be like.

Here we go:

#5 - Belle from Beauty and the Beast - the beast was one lucky thing. Not only did he not have "it", he was mean and grumpy and this beautiful dame fell for him. To have that heart and that bod - man!!


#4 - Wonder Woman - The picture to the right says it all. Probably the toughest woman in the world. Whips! Man, if a woman like this could kick Superman's ass....

#3 - Cat Woman - rrraahhh! Another one of these femme fatales that could kick Batman up and down. She has special powers that are only unleashed at certain times. Tempting to lick your wounds!



#2 - Betty Rubble - Probably the cutest and most wholesome of the bunch. But there's just something about Betty isn't there. That laugh? That giggle? That look? I can't put my finger on it, but it's something...Barney is one lucky dude - whether or not he has eyes.


#1 - Daphne from Scooby Doo - ZOINKS! Red headed Daphne. We know that she had an affinity for Shaggy and not Fred and when that van was a rockin, don't bother coming knockin!

Man Up Barack Wear a Coat!

Inauguration day is here! So I have some advice for our newly elected president - keep it short and wear a coat! It's cold out if you haven't noticed and we kind of need you. The last guy did such a great job and we can't afford the country to go into a depression with Crazy Joe Biden at the helm. (But I guess it's a hell of a lot better than Sarah Palin at the helm).

If you don't know why I'm concerned about Barack wearing a coat, let's revisit history. William Henry Harrison, our 9th President, in 1841, delivered a 45 minute speech without a coat. He died 31 days after being inaugurated and was shortest term ever in US history..John Tyler took over but Joe Biden ain't no John Tyler.

While you are wearing your coat Mr. President-Elect, you should also pray for no rain. During Lincoln's inauguration, the weather was so bad that they advised those people that couldn't swim to stay away from the rainy and muddy streets of DC.

You should also consider hiring Mr. T and Hulk Hogan as security for your ball. Ulysses S. Grant had a riot at his ball when in 1869 guests waited so long in line for the coat check. The Washington Post reported that the coat check was staffed with illiterates that couldn't read the checks. So while you beef up security, stay away from hiring W's cabinet as the coat check team.'

Stay warm, healthy and be brief. We need you now more than ever. You have promised so much insight in solving the BCS and instituting a much needed college football playoff system. God we need you!!!!

Doughboy

The Dread Dead Pirates

The Somali pirates finally had their pay day - $3mm for holding a Saudi tanker hostage for over 2 months. How's this for serendipity though - 5 of the pirates drowned in route of their escape WITH their cash. But I swear that the family of these pirates must be Democrats.

When learning of the death Abukar Haji, uncle of one of the dead men, blamed the naval surveillance for the accident that killed his pirate nephew yesterday. "The boat the pirates were traveling in capsized because it was running at high speed because the pirates were afraid of an attack from the warships patrolling around," Haji said. He said one of the bodies washed ashore, and four are missing.

The poor dread pirates - not their own fault that they were escaping on a high speed boat from a crime at high sea. Way to take accountability.

Read the dread pirates poor sob story, by clicking on this.

DB

The Latte Free Depression

I'm officially calling the current recession the "latte free depression". Understanding that it's the biggest period of job loss in 16 years and we have 7.2% unemployment and the economy shrunk 6% in the last month, but have you noticed? People aren't freezing to death. They're not starving. Sewage isn't flowing freely down our streets. In fact, besides some minimal disruption, is this what a "semi depression" feels like? I suppose if you can't afford your latte, it's quite a change in your lifestyle.

Most of us did not have the disfortune of living through the Great Depression, but our parents did and our grandparents did. I can remember my grandparents telling me stories of keeping cash under the mattresses or grandma stuffing it in her bra. They lived through it. They survived. They changed their behavior after and we're frugal and smart with their money. And created a huge transfer of wealth to the baby boomers. Here's some of the facts that they lived through in the Great Depression for a largely manufacturing and farming based US economy:

• crop prices fell 60%
• people lived in Hoovervilles - cardboard boxes
• In 1933, 25% of all workers were unemployed and 37% of nonfarm workers were unemployed
  
• Estimated 12 million people died from starvation
• Successful people became beggars and migrant workers

Last I checked and looked out my window, I didn't see any of this. Have you? We have a stronger and more global economy that is so much more diverse than manufacturing and agricultural. Sure, it's consumer driven and we are more oriented towards a service based economy, but it's larger and harder to move the needle one way or the other. May this recession last longer than others we have seen? Sure, it already is proving to be that way. But think about the scale and size of the Indian and Chinese economies for a moment. If and when they get moving again, we could also see quicker turnarounds. History is somewhat irrelevant in this latte free depression. Should we respect and learn from history? Absolutely. Should we count on history to repeat itself - not exactly. The inputs are completely different than they were some 70 years ago. And again, we haven't seen people starving or hopping trains yet to try to find jobs. We've only seen them cutting back from their Starbucks to heaven forbid by a cheaper latte at McDonald's.

Information and technology is ubitiquous and it wasn't in the 1930's. The very newspapers that people depended upon receiving their news in are not the victims of the latte free depression, but their inability to stay relevant with the technological advances. So the same people that survived the Great Depression and their children are now the ones retired off their pension plans (that we will never see) and their Social Security (that we will never see) and their 401ks ( that indeed we will see and benefit from). As they are retired and wearing their "don't forget my senior discount hats", they sit there and watch CNN and Fox News and read the NY Times online about this latte free depression. Then they call their kids (like me) and say "my god - I cant' believe how bad it is out there!"

Out there - in this world, this economy that we are still producing goods and services and airplanes are flying regularly and steel mills are open and WalMart is thriving and the New York Yankees are signing over $700mm worth of free agents and people won't make eye contact because they're glued to their Blackberries and the lines are still wrapped around in Starbucks and DisneyWorld is packed and and and and.... I respond to them - my god it's horrible! Wretched! Wicked bad! I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to be hungry in your childhood and have to survive today on your highspeed internet cable while watching CNN on your 50" plasma HDTV calling me on your cellphone. Are you sure you are ok? Do I need to send FDR over to help you craft a New Deal for you or Hoover to put a chicken in every pot? I'm not sure what to do here.

Seriously folks. It hurts once and awhile to go through a downturn. But let's keep this in perspective. Let's learn from our mistakes - giving financial institutions too much freedom, outbidding each other for unrealistic real estate prices, taking interest only mortgages (did you really think that was going to work out for you), chasing investments that weren't real. Let's learn, let's stimulate the economy. Let's work a bit harder because we have to. Let's live the real lessons our parents and grandparents taught us - perseverance creates prosperity, making wise choices and working harder to make a difference.

John D. Rockefeller said about the Great Depression that "These are days when many are discouraged. In the 93 years of my life, depressions have come and gone. Prosperity has always returned and will again."

He's right you know....but in the mean time good luck navigating the perceived sewage ridden streets of America lined with people out the door living in cardboard boxes starving to death.

Doughboy

The Courage of Detroit

As a born and raised Detroiter, it's nice to read good literature that represents what we stand for - the heart of the country and midwest. Mitch Albom did a fantastic job capturing just that in this recent must read Sports Illustrated article.

I'll add a few comments about what it's like to be from Detroit. It's the summers down in the parks in downriver having picnics with your 2nd and 3rd cousins - some of who are factory line workers, or truck drivers and others are executives. It's a place where people say hello and hold doors open for you. A place where you can't possibly get lost because of the simple grid system the roads are based upon. A place where you can wander for 20+ miles in a riverside park running through the suburbs. A place that has so much history and heart and soul and never gives up. Kid Rock, Eminem, Bob Seger, Stevie Wonder, Joe Louis and so many more... It's a place that I am always proud to say I am from.

The Dougbhoy

The Courage of Detroit - Sports Illustrated Article

The Best He Ever Had

Watch the video. Enough said...